What Piece I've Lost
by theAbsentMindedArchitect
Summary: Modern AU: Try to conceal it all you want but no matter what, you'll always feel it. Eventual Elsanna. Heavy use of depression and anxiety.


She only went so they would shut up about it. At least that was what she told herself.

_Elsa come on! You never hang out with us anymore! We go back to school in less than a month and you never talk to us during the year! It's like you drop off the face of the earth during school! I switched shifts with someone so we can hang tonight. _They were persistent as each message came just when she had put her phone down. It was almost as if they had sat down together and coordinated each text like some kind of strategy for a game of League or something. Elsa would not have put it past her friends; they were just as stubborn as she was.

Even her parents were in on it. "_Elsa go have fun with your friends, you should go enjoy youth while you still have it."_

She had half a mind to turn off her phone and go to bed early that night, something that she had recently gotten into the habit of doing, but she had no doubt in her mind that they would come to her house and drag her out themselves.

Then again, they probably would have left her alone if it wasn't her birthday.

Aladdin's turned out to be both a restaurant _and _a hookah bar. She didn't mind the last part considering that there could be worse things they could be doing, but she was surprised that this small out-of-the-way town even _had_ a hookah bar to begin with. The night had started off well, but that had changed by nine. More and more people began to fill the tables and drinks were going around despite the fact that a majority of the patrons were obviously under 21.

Since Elsa was with a group of four other girls, it was inevitable that they would become the targets of slightly buzzed guys. She had lost count of how many times she was asked for her number or told that her eyes were like shining sapphires or her hair shone like the stars (couldn't they have at least tried to go with something more creative?). Her palms were moist, but it was manageable at the very least.

That it until Merida had hijacked the microphone that was being used the karaoke to announce that it was Elsa's birthday and then lead the rest of the place in singing 'Happy Birthday' to her.

The attention that was showered on her was too much. Everyone had been looking on her, staring at her, judging her. She had felt each and every eye on her, creeping, burning trails over the surface of her skin.

_No, no, no! This can't be happening- I'm okay._ _They said I'm okay._

The edges of her vision had begun to blur and she had felt her chest start to collapse on itself.

_NO!_

She had fought her way to the door and somehow found her car. The cool and open night air had somewhat calmed her down, but she could still feel tightness in her chest, threatening to choke her.

_Calm down. You'll get into an accident if you try to drive like this. Breathe._ She tightened her grip on the car door. _Breathe. _

"Excuse me! Are you okay?"

She would have fallen over if she hadn't already been leaning on her car. She had mustered up what little she had of herself up to reply, "I-I'm just not feeling w-well. Excuse m-me."

_They saw! Why can't this happen when I'm alone?! Why can't I hold it in? Why?_

It must have been by some miracle that she was able to arrive home without any trouble. She killed the engine, but didn't make any move to get up. Her mind was racing, searching for answers- something, anything. Why was her anxiety coming back even stronger than before? She wasn't even in school! Why was this happening?

The thing that killed her was that she _knew._ Perhaps she had been unconsciously pushing it away, burying it under maybes and probablys. She pretended not to notice how things seemed to dull or how colors didn't appear as bright. Or how she had chalked off the sleeping as simply 'making up for lost sleep' instead of her not wanting to do anything. How everything was unfocused and how her normally pristine room was still filled with boxes she brought back because there wasn't a point in unpacking. Or that there wasn't a point to doing any of it.

Because it didn't matter anymore.

She couldn't let anyone know; her parents were finally enjoying themselves again. She couldn't imagine what it was like being in their shoes, watching their only child lose her will to live.

She wouldn't be strong enough this time around to accept that no one understands. That it's not as simple as smiling or simply 'looking at the bright side of things'. That it can't be cured completely with a prescription and some pills. That it never completely went away. That it never will.

"What am I going to do?"

* * *

_A/N: So, uh hi! This is my first fanfic! I feel like a lot of the fanfics I've read don't portray depression in a relateable way and it upsets me a little. (Please don't take this the wrong way!) I also noticed that Anna is often presented as a flat character and I feel like she would definitely have some baggage as well. _

_TL;DR: I want both my babies to be broken and heal one another. _


End file.
